Pak Guard Scenarios

Thanks for adding me as the contributor. Well, here's something to laugh at; the best real-life scenarios of UTP pak guards, taken from UTP Grapevine. Have fun!

Scenario 1: Hair
A male student who got his hair colored was about to be summoned by the pak guard.

Student: Err pakcik, saye sakit ni...tu yang rambut jadi kaler ni. Dah lama dah sakit macam ni... (dalam hati tak tau nak kontrol gelak macam mana)

The student eventually got away with the saman.

Scenario 2: Parking
How to avoid your car from being summoned whenever you park at illegal parking space: -

“Letakkan ketas A4 bertulis 'kereta rosak' di depan cermin kereta anda.”

Scenario 3: Smoking at Building 2
Pak Guard: Awak tau tak kat sini tak boleh hisap rokok?
Student: Oooo ni rokok special pakcik, ubat asma saya nih. (sambil buat muka bersungguh-sungguh)

Pak Guard: Ooo camtu ke? Mintak sebatang Mild-7 tu boleh? Pakcik pun asma jugak ni.

And they smoked together at the back of building 2.

Note from the student: Don’t do this to Saffai (the most fucked-up pak guard) since rumors has it that he only smokes Gudang Garam and he's just plain fucker.

Scenario 4: Matric Card at Main Gate (1)
Pak Guard: Minta kad metrik.

Student: Kad metrik takde lah...hilang.

Pak Guard: (Teruskan berborak dan bertanya).

Student: (Teruskan menjawab soalan-soalan daripada pak guard)

Pak Guard: Duduk di village mana?Student: V3D

Pak Guard: Oh, ok...jalan.

When scenario 4 happened, V3D has been occupied by female students. The student in this scenario is a male. The pak guard in this scenario is plain stupid.

Scenario 5: Matric Card at Main Gate (2)
Pak Guard: Mana kad metrik?
Student: Saya ada repot polis yang saya punya kad metrik kena curi. Nak saya tunjukkan report tu? (sambil membuka glove box)
Pak Guard: Oh, saya ada dengar kes tu. Takpe, takpe. Jalan, jalan.

Huh?

Scenario 6: Matric Card at Main Gate (3)
Pak Guard: Mana kad metrik?
Student: Tak bawak la pakcik.

Pak Guard: Bagi saya IC.

Student: Pun tak bawak. (Sebenarnya bawa…)

Pak Guard: Apa yang awak bawa?

Student: Saya bawa teka-teki je. Kalau pakcik boleh jawab, saya sanggup kena saman dua kali ganda. Kalau tak, tak perlu la kot.

Pak Guard: Aaaaa? (terkejut, tapi dalam hati - menarik gak) Apa dia?

Student: Apakah dia kecik hitam berpeluh? (dengan senyum simpul)

Pak Guard tak dapat jawab. So, selamatlah the student. I doubt scenario 6 really happened. Anyway if it really did happen, then the respective pak guard is really a fool!