hmm, tadi berakhirnya satu lagi paper....ala, paper koku je pun...sem ni aku amik drama & teater...senang je...lecturer tu pun dah bg segala mcm hint, pastu...soalan2 dia pulak...just common sense...ko tak tau pun, still leh kelentong....kiranya, itulah paper last aku utk subjek koku...kiranya dah abisla koku, dah cukup 3 credit hour...
so, tinggal last paper ari isnin ni.... paper susah plak tu...paper chemical plant and instrumentation control atau short form nye... cpic....takuit siot paper ni...dah la paper ni aku amik dua kali...bukan aku fail but last sem aku amik mc, sebab skit (sakit betul2 ke atau sakit cuak ? hehehe)...so, aku kena struggle la paper ni...kena score at least dpt b+. mampu ke kaedahnya ? dahla coswork tak le bih 30/40, nak dpt A mmg sudah mustahil....so, paling tinggi aku lebih dapat aku rasa is A-, yg mana aku pun rasa mustahil utk aku dpt...bukan aku tak percaya kat diri sendiri but aku tau sejauh mana kemampuan aku dlm subjek ni...aku rasa...paling tinggi aku boleh capai is B+. tapi bg aku kalo dah dpt B pun dah ok...yela, test pun aku cukup2 mkn lulus...exam mesti susahnye....takut2, trauma dah aku...ngan suasana exam....
tapi, harapan nak dpt 3 pointer mmg tak boleh dah...sbb ada satu paper yg aku tak score...sob sob, sedih sgt....aku rs nak menangis, lps jawab paper tu....tula, soh blajar elok2 tak mau...kan dah kena repeat paper...bukan nya sekali tp byk kali pulak tu....huhu....tp camne2 pun, sem ni...i have to try my best... yelah, kompem dah extend 3 sem...byk tu....acai pun dah kerja, apau pun dah kerja...katong ngan hoda dan erry pun grad sem ni...so, nnt tinggal aku sorg je kat sini...yg tak abis2 lagi belajar...patutnya, skrg ni...aku dah mula pikirkan psl nak ketja tp study tak abis2 lagi...
aku rs sgt bersalah ngan mama ngan abah...i'm the eldest but i cannot give them good expression....spatutnya, skrg ni...aku dah kerja dan bg duit kat mama dan abah tp skrg ni...aku still berharap duit diorg....next sem, bila extend sem, secara automatiknyer akan extend scholarship....itu pun kalo dpt...kalo tak, aku tak tahula camne....
well i think...i start to think things more maturedly...start thinking the effects of any kind of actions that i'm gonna taken or had taken...start thinking the future, start thinking about myself...where i'm gonna be in next 10 years...wether have any improvement or not....i dont know...but i try to promise myself...in next 10 years...i must have a good job with good salary...i have my own car and my house and give my parents some of my salary to them and start thinking to find a partner..?
...what type of partner, i'm still not sure...coz rite now, i dont think about that yet...for me its too early..i dont want to have any attachment with anyone, if i cannot accomplished my own mission, my own targets...aku rela, adik2 aku kawen dulu...aku tak kisah langkah bendul atau apa...coz itu hanyalah mitos...anything happen is in GOD'S hands...sbb aku rasa bersalah ngan adik2 aku...disebabkan aku extend sem ni...diorg terpaksa terima indirect effects...coz i know, my parents love me very much, and they will do anythings for me...and till now..i had already taken more advantages and i think its over limit rite now...i think i have to be fair with my siblings...i know...all parents will love their children but i can feel like i have the attention more than my brothers and sister...i'm glad that they do love me, although i had failed to fulfill their needs...to see me graduate in time...but what can i say coz that thing is already happening...i cannot correct anything in the past...but i try to prove to myself that i have change...although its not a major thing but i know that i have change a lil bit...but i think its not enuff...
well, mama and abah...i cannot promise u that i can achieve 3 pointers this sem...but i try not to fail any papers...i dont want to promise anything coz i afraid i cannot fullfill my promise...so you'll be dissappointed with me and i'm gonna be ur useless and worthless child...i dont want to be like that...but i try my best to get good result, better than last sem...and this time..i promise to myself that i'm gonna spent at least 6 hours a day for study...its sound funny isnt it ? coz i shud make this promise, on the first day i'm in UTP but at that time my blindness had fooled me and i dont ahead, waht gonna happen in the future...so, rite now...i had felt the effects so i have to change myself by make a promise to myself...its ridiculous but i dont care what people think...coz this time, i must believe in myself and must prove to myself that i can do it!!!! i'll accept it as a challenge
so, my last paper is next tuesday...wish me luck, ok ? i need to study rite now....
No comments:
Post a Comment