Apa pun, although i angry and sad dgn apa terjadi, wierdly i berterima kasih kepada mereka sebab put the effort untuk M buat self confession depan i. i know it is hard for M to come clean and it is even harder for me to listen to it. In my rational thinking, i know they have good intention to let me know that M cheated on me.
to be honest, i boleh maafkan M cheated on me (i pun pernah 21 years old and i have been there done that and you knew, rite ?) cuma, i rasa terkilan dan sedih sbb M tak nampak the value of our relationship. tak nampak the exclusiveness of relationship. betul kata diorang, M masih muda dan byk benda dia nak explore.
i adalah seorang yang selfish jika i biar dia stucked up ngan i tanpa dia explore zaman teenager dia. i yang bersalah sebab paksa dia utk berpikir macam i, yang sudah berumur 28 tahun sedangkan dia mungkin memerlukan lagi 7 tahun untuk berpikir sama macam i.
sebab itu, i let M go. biar dia explore puas2. bila dia dah puas, dan dah dapat apa yang dia nak, dia boleh kembali kpd i dan i terima dengan hati terbuka. tak semestinya untuk kembali menjadi pasangan but the love can be express in many different ways. kalo dia masih sudi, i mmg akan gembira. tapi kalau dia jumpa yang lagi baik daripada i, dan boleh jaga dia lebih baik daripada i, i am more than happy.
yang penting, dia dapat abiskan study dia, grad dan dapat good job utk kelangsungan hidup dia. selagi dia tak sampai ke tahap itu, selagi itulah i tetap akan terus memerhatikan dia, dari jauh pun tidak mengapa. i akan rasa bersalah sekiranya dia tak berjaya. i akan berasakan, i adalah seorang bf yang gagal.
mungkin i akan ambil masa yang agak panjang utk kembali stable but please just bear with me. if you are really my best friends.....please bear with me.
3 comments:
Comment aku adalah sama mcm dlm fb. Jangkaan aku adalah betul.
Dear Izzu,
My heart goes out to you. Although i do not condone what M did to you, i am more disgusted with the reactions that people around you exhibit. Have you made the decision to move on and forgive, the people around you too should adopt the same stand.
Putting lewd comments and innuendos (not surprisingly) on someone's internet interface(s)are similar to cyber-bullying. In the wake of the death of Tyler Clementi, everybody should stop doing this, it is hurtful and akin to hurling everybody involved, directly and indirectly, into a more unfavourable situation.
I am strongly oppose to such behaviour, as a support to Izzu and M, and channel such 'creativity' to somewhat worthwhile cause(s). Support those who matter rather than chastising those who aren't.
Utterly Annoyed
Azlan Shah Hussain
to ash : i just want you to read on the details
to lan : thanks for the support and advice. really appreciate it. since M pun dah tiada di sisi, life must go on, rite. life dia pun sama jugak.
cuma, apa yg i nak, i tanak trus abis mcm tu je. i still nak ambil berat pasal dia, nak tahu pasal dia nyer whereabouts, nak tau pasal sakit pening.
maybe not as a capacity of bf or partner. but as a capacity, someone who care. betul org cakap, mencintai tak semestinya memiliki
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