Well, exam dah abis....dan skrg ni, aku totally gunakan masa aku utk relax sepuas2nya...i think i had worn out coz of the struggle for final exam...but i think, still not enuff...i didnt put so much effort into this....and i have to try my best and put all of my energy, effort and also time next time...maybe its kinda late for me to do this but i have to do...sungguh meyedihkan bila melihat satu persatu, my best friends...graduate form this unversity and left me alone, stuck up in here...well, its not theirs fault...obviously, i'm the one who didnt realize a single thing and wanna enjoy the university's life to the fullest. as a result, i have to spend one and a half year to finish my study...i hate to say it, but i have to face it that i'm an extender....
this is the first time in my life...i feel like...i'm a totally loser...maybe i had enjoyed so much...celebrating the winning moment...and never lost one single point...but rite now, i'm losing my grip and i know now that...i'm not so lucky in academic...i keep on thinking, sometimes...why i have to face this failure ? before this, i was the best student in my primary school...scored 4A's in UPSR and i'm the one who got 9A's in my PMR and on top of that..i scored 8 agregat in my SPM...u can see the track, rite ?...i always be the best...but, i think...i started to feel unsecure when i cant be the best student for SPM in my school...why cant i be the best ? i try my best but the output is not the way i want it...then i came UTP, to change my life...try to be the best student again...but i keep on failing...maybe i'm getting stupid or people getting more clever than me...
so, i give up...i know its not the good decision but..what shud i do if the ouput still the same...no matter how hard u try, u cant get what u want...rite now...i'm just an average guy with average academic background...up to this point...i just did my best to get a result that can make me survive in this university...and i did it well...but nothing to proud of....
its good for acai, to see him graduate and have a very good job with good pay...and i'm very happy for him....same goes to katak....and this time....its katong's and huda's turn...to left me behind....and graduate soon...and they will get a job soon....i'm really happy for them....but only me, who left behind and wathing their back and they keep move on without knowing that i cant catch up anymore...i feel so inferior and if suicide is allowed...i wanna kill myself rite now...coz up to this time, i have nothing to be proud of....just wanna disappear and put an end to this...
but, apa guna menyesal skrg atas apa yg sudah berlaku...time wont rolls back and tangisan tak bererti apa2....baik teruskan hidup dgn apa yg ada...dgn kemampuan yg ada....cuba utk membaiki diri....after this i have to try very hard....i dont care if it worn me out or not...yg penting i can do something to my idiot and lazy brain, boost it up and use it to the fullest...slps saja paper yg terakhir, ari tu...aku rs sgt gembira sbb dpt menjawab ngan agak baik dan i feel like motivated once more...but its not enuff...i have to use my brain until it explode...so i get good result to make my mom and dad proud of me...i dont care if get sick, the most important thing is..i can score well and can graduate and get a good job and settle down with my own family and spending my time with my children...
1 comment:
why u didn't mention my name???? ahahahaha.. just kidding... and to be honest... sekali lagi aku tak agree dgn pendapat ko pasal failure nih... well.. u got much more time dear.. just follow the melody of ur fate... failure term will only can be used after there's no any other way to fix up the mess/distruction/etc.. get it?!! as long as there's an alternatif path to be taken.. u still have those hopes... bare it in ur lazy brain!!... ;p
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